Crazy Week’s End

Wow, 2nd last week of Poly is coming to an end. It’s been CRAZY. So many project deadlines all squeezed into 5 days, rushing of work, presenting presentations back to back. You know, in a way, now that it’s over, it’s kinda cool. Having a hectic week before I finish my Poly life.

I started this semester thinking bleh, if I fail my DMA or something, like, whatever. Means I get to postpone my NS, good what. But these days, I’ll actually be pretty disappointed if I have to stick around for another semester. I hate the course I’m in, but the people I’ve met, the social experiences, have all been unique in their own way, be it good or bad, fun or boring.

Majority will be graduating after this week, and I do honestly hope I can close this chapter of my life with them, instead of having ‘bonus pages’ aka repeat 1 more sem.

Also, what do you know, in that hectic week of mine, I actually managed to pick up 2 new shows, Caprica and Spartacus. Spartacus is kinda boring. I only watched it because the media says it has a lot of profanity, violence and full frontal nudity of both male and female characters. Yes, so I got cheeky and watched it. Roman Gladiators sure love Brazilian waxing XD The plot is pretty meh so I doubt I’ll watch it religiously.

Caprica is the prequel to Battlestar Galactica. I’ve never watched BSG because most space warfare actually bore me to tears. Caprica was written to be more accessible to first time viewers, and yeah, I can understand the show so far easily. It’s also set in a futuristic city intstead of space and there’s lots of human drama involved instead of science fiction. So it’s appealing for me.

The show actually got me thinking. In this age of modern technology, a lot of our thoughts, pictures, videos, information are available on the internet. If we die in our current molecular world, we can actually still ‘exist’ in the virtual world. The virtual world seriously has everything it needs to create us. Even thoughts and personalities are logged in the form of blogs, facebook walls, tweets etc. Maybe we really have found a way to be immortal.

Oh and here’s my weekly comment on how The Vampire Diaries is really one of the best shows out there. Seriously, people are so put off by vampires thanks to the retardation that it Twilight, but Vampire Diaries is really a good supernatural horror drama with incredible plot and characters. No sparkly vampires.

Finally, you can stop reading here. Cos I’m gonna turn on my Lost fanboy mode.

OMG LOST THE FINAL SEASON IS HERE!!! OMG OMG OMG~!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 WATCHED THE SEASON PREMIERE ALREADY. HATING HOW THEY KILLED OFF JULIET BUT OTHERWISE THE SHOW IS STARTING OFF GREAT.

Just 2 Weeks

I finally received the letter from MINDEF to book an appointment date for my NS medical check-up. On the same day my Internet access is laggy (fuck SingNet Mio) and while fixing my EAS website project, I was such a smartass I caused more damage than patching up the site.

2 weeks. That’s all that is left of my Poly life (hopefully). Literally just 2 effing weeks, and not counting weekends, then it’s just a mere 10 days. The piles of projects I have to rush like crazy is insane. It isn’t even a simple case of procrastination. I really have to delay certain projects just to work on the others.

On top of that a lot is going through my mind. From NS to future life careers and schedules, I’m VERY surprised I haven’t broke down… yet. My in-house project last semester has polished my skills to withstand social pressure to a certain extent I guess.

I have to take a leap of faith and hope I can do a degree in the humanities/social science in the future with an Engineering diploma. Talked to a few acquaintances in NTU HSS School, it’s very possible to do a degree in English with my diploma. Just have to go through a written test and interview.

The money I earn from NS will kickstart my life. Will probably take a look at study loan schemes and stuff. If I’m not going to Uni, I’ll actually take a break from Singapore and go travelling in the Western world.

Last Wednesday, something my lecturer for World Issues class said struck me. She mentioned it’s really good to go backpacking across the world. To explore, experience and immerse yourself into the millions of cultures around and gain some life wisdom, things even an educating country like Singapore can never teach.

Singaporeans are smart when it come to facts, rules, formula but we’re also very dumb people who don’t use our brains to think about the world and be creative.

Maybe it’s just in my blood that I’m very open-minded. That I care more about thoughts & opinions rather than facts and rules. May/Might/If rather than Is. A part of my family bloodline is Dutch, and Dutch people, along with a strong majority of European people are open-minded liberals. I definitely want to visit Europe to see the Gay Pride Parades.

Hehe, I actually casually talked about travelling plans to my Mum. She’s a bit hesitant though. She’d rather have me start saving up money for marriage and starting a household than backpacking. Sigh… is it a -must- to find a love/life partner, get married and have babies? -_-

I’m actually very fond about the idea of a single and casual-only love life…

Sins & Virtues

This is just another fun post. A cool way to assess myself would be to break down my actions and thoughts according to the Seven Deadly Sins, as well as the Seven Heavenly Virtues.

I’m actually a huge fan of Angel-Demon lores and myths and the Seven Deadly Sins are like, awesome-sauce much? Below I’ll list down in the format of the Sin VS the Virtue, followed by a short text on my thoughts about it, along with what I’m more of. See if I have more sins or virtues…

PRIDE vs HUMILITY

If anything, Pride is the sin I would probably commit the most. I find it hard to juggle between being humble about life and trying to achieve so much. In all honesty, I do believe I’m better than many people, and thus why I would rather be doing Humanities/English/Social Sciences as opposed to low-class Engineering stuff. So between my Pride and Humilty, Pride wins.

WRATH vs PATIENCE

I bitch a lot. No, seriously. I complain and complain and complain. BUT, I’m no where near violent. I prefer to talk through any conflicts and disagreements. 20 years and I have -never- gotten myself in a physical fight before and I plan to keep that record clean. I just don’t tolerate any sense of fighting and violence in real life. Keep that to television and video games. Patience triumphs here.

SLOTH vs DILIGENCE

I’m a very hardworking person. … . Urgh, couldn’t even fool myself with that one. I don’t see myself as a very lazy person, but I do often do things at my own pace, according to my own mood and motivation. If I’m REALLY motivated, I’m extremely diligent. This is a tough one. I’d say Sloth vs Diligence would be a tie, but I really don’t want to have ties. Oh well, factoring in the fact that I NEED motivation and incentives to do stuff, I’d say Sloth wins.

LUST vs CHASTITY

Lust refers to excessive sexual thoughts. I’d be lying if I say I don’t have any sexual drives. I’m a mature young adult. It’s natural. I’m not living in a time where sex is ’sacred’ and should be kept until after marriage. But it’s safe to say that Chastity is victorious here. I’m not like your typical average male who goes to public places to look at “chiobu” and only think about sexual appearances and desires when intercting with girls. Hey I have more close female friends than males and no sexual thoughts at all. It’s actually quite a turn off when I get into a conversation where all the other party talks about is sex. At least, in the future if I do get a life partner, he/she can be assured I’m not in it for the sex.

GREED vs CHARITY

Greed. ’nuff said. LOL, but really, while I do occasionally feel generous and helpful, often times I’m pretty greedy. I don’t donate without any small incentives. I’m even greedy to myself. There are a lot of things I wanna buy, an iPod, a new computer, PS3/Wii, but I can’t bring myself to part with my money. I LOVE money to the point I don’t even want to part with them to get my own recreational stuff >.<

GLUTTONY vs TEMPERANCE

I wish I was Gluttony. Haha, people are all obsessed about losing weight, but I on the otherhand acutally needs to stop being lazy and go eat and exercise more in the gym. I’m weighing around 61kg now. It’s not that bad but I could use more. Temperance wins this one, but it’s not a clear win, since I don’t eat things in moderation anyway. More like too lazy to even eat. Hey, but at least I’m improved as these days I’m actually eating more than last time. I also recently developed this crazy craving for Lay’s potato chips at night =( BBQ Flavor….

ENVY vs KINDNESS

The last battle goes to Envy. But Envy didn’t win unscathed, as I do feel there is some Kindness in me. I usually make friends, acquantances and connections selectively with some kind of self-benefit attached. However sometimes, in fact more often than not, they genuinely grow on me and I become attached to people. This actually worries me. If I hate someone, I hate them with a passion. But I can get too attached to people easily, and it becomes awkward if they don’t find me as significant to their lives as they are to me.

RESULTS

The Sins I commit are Pride, Sloth, Greed and Envy while the Virtues I embrace are Patience, Chastity and Temperance. That’s 1 Sin more than Virtue, so that pretty much says it all. Sins win.

Wow, it’s actually very liberating making this post, not as a confession per se but breaking down my morals and beliefs to its bare bones.

To any friends of mine who have read this, spend some time blogging your own 7 Sins vs 7 Virtues war. Trust me, it actually feels good just laying it all down, =)

Destiny’s one heck of a tyrant

Everyone has a different way when walking in life. Some walk fast, others take a stroll. Speed doesn’t matter. What matters is where you’re headed. It’s been enlightening to realise the importance of having a destination to aim for. Even more enlightening to realise that there will definitely people who will tell you how almost impossible that destination is to reach. Yet, you don’t care. You just walk, and walk. Because walking to an ‘impossible destination’ is hell better than to stop at a place where you hate. Where you just, give in. And surrender. And then you suddenly turn into the very same people that told you earlier on how impossible your dream is.

I guess the most purest, unadulterated test in life is to not turn into those people. To defy Destiny’s grand scheme of propaganda. To go against Destiny’s dictatorship. Destiny’s one heck of a tyrant. Too bad I’m a total stubborn bitch.

I’m not in denial. I understand perfectly how hard it is for me to get into the world where I am appreciated, where I can appreciate.

I went for the Edvance Fair yesterday and got hold of lots of brochures and information. The top bachelor’s degree that’s at the top of my head right now is a Degree in English. But what are the chances of me getting accepted with a B4 in English O levels, a mediocre Engineering Diploma, and not a single portfolio containing any relevant projects i’ve done in school? NONE IF I don’t try. Otherwise it’s a 50% chance, just like any other students. I either get in, or not. 50-50. People are factoring in too many factors that they’re just destroying themselves.

The education system in SG is partly to be blamed for all these. Everyone is so hell bent on being academically good that they become blinded from dreams, aspirations and the fact that there thousands of way to walk a life.

Anyways, the Degree in English/Linguistics is definitely a great choice for me to aim for. It promises a great way for me to express myself professionally. It’s hard to do so right now in my course. Especially when surrounded by people who lack the intelligence to express themselves properly.

Everytime when I become quiet in class, I’m labeled as “emo”. I mean, seriously, what are you, a Pokemon? You know how Pokemon can only say their names right? Yeah, you sound like a Pokemon called “emo”, cos that’s what you only say, “Emo, Emo. Qadir so emo.” I can literally come up with dozens of word to describe how brainless you are and all you can say is this one word.

Classmates randomly shouting, laughing and causing a raucous everywhere, it’s just so uncalled for. I really hope, for their sake, they don’t embrace it as “part of their personality”. We’re all 19s and 20s entering our young adulthood life, to really assess ourselves, what we REALLY want in life and how are we going to tackle it.  And yet, I only see people aimlessly doing homework, going through life, without a thought at all. Mindless zombies going to school.

Even the ones that want to continue studying IT/Engineering in Uni. I don’t see a speck of genuine interest and love in it. They just happen to get good grades and GPA for it and that’s why they want to continue. They don’t really have a heart and soul in Engineering.

Then again, what should I expect in an Engineering course? After all, Engineering school is nothing but a dumping ground for people who fall short on making it to the more respectable business, science, humanities and media school. The challenge is for people with strong will to step above the rest and get back up into the upper chain on society. The rest will just remain at the bottom of the heirarchy with normal and ordinary lives, fooling themselves with how they’re contented with what they have. Underachievers.

Counting 2 years of NS (which is a WHOLE different level of FAIL compared to Engineering), it’s a long wait until I get to start up my engine and leave this pathetic life for good, and start one where I can actually express myself with people who are intelligent and know how to express themselves like proper, modern, 2010 human beings.

It’s just a mixed bag of emotions. Sadness, anger, and joy that I’m actually ending my life as an Engineering student and returning back home to my Humanities roots.

A Family Ordeal

These few days have been a crazy roller coaster ride. It started last week when my grandfather complained to have pains near his stomach area. Went to the hospital and it was assumed that it was just typical aging problems. You know, old people have their moods and my grandfather was too stubborn to exercise. He was supposed to be discharged on early Monday, but on Sunday night, he started vomitting blood. And not just a small cough or cup, but an entire pail more like it.

Turns out he had an ulcer in his stomach. The food that he eats doesnt get digested but literally past through the hole in his stomach and screwing up his body.

Almost all my uncles and aunts did not work on Monday and we just stayed in the hospital for pretty much the entire day. Many times the doctors gave us update, saying his death is almost imminent. They had to send him for surgery, where te survival rate is 50%. And if he doesn’t go for surgery, he only has a 10% chance to live. The family took a leap of faith and sent him to surgery.

We waited for hours. It was extremely emotional. We’re a rather young family. I’m actually the eldest grandchild. I have no older brothers or sisters to ‘look up’ too except for my uncles and aunts. As much as we hope he makes it through the surgery, we were also preparing ourselves for what may be the very first death in our family. It will be an ordeal we would have to take as a family.

It was disheartening to be sad at entire time. We did managed to distract ourselves a bit with snacks and stuff. Me and my sisters took our own tour around NUH, lol.

The surgery ended well near the end of the day. My grandfather was a fighter and he survived through. He’s heavily sedated now. The fight isn’t over though and there’s still the risk of infections and complications.

I haven’t been going to school since Monday. Was at the hospital the entire time and only came back home occassionally to eat/rest a bit. We’re all taking turns visiting him to monitor his progress.

I guess his time is not up yet. I honestly believe, subconciously, it is because we as a family were there standing by him that he was strong enough to get through the surgery. I’ve been brought up with a big family and taught about the values of having a bond with each blood relative. Corny as that might sound, that’s another aspect that makes me who I am.

If he’s stable today I should be able to go back to school tomorrow. Or maybe just skip morning’s PFM module and just go for WISP hehe. I’m not interested to be doing even light physical activities after Monday’s events.

Spiritual Thoughts

There was a talk on further studies and career yesterday in school. Thought it’d be good useful information, but it’s all just bullshit. They had like 6 speakers from different institutes but the topics they touched on are all the same Computer/Engineering stuff. Complete waste of time. 4pm-6pm sumore.

Anyways, I walled this on Facebook, but I really did enjoyed this week’s episode of Ugly Betty. Great way to end the weekdays. Tomorrow I’ll start downloading the season premiere of Project Runway 7. Man, if I had the financial means I would totally just go on walkabouts around the world just to immerse myself with the world. It’s not so much about findig “the meaning of life”. I don’t believe in such thoughts. It’s more of defining myself and soaking in this great empowering force that resonates from the core of the earth.

…OK now I’m just talking spiritual crazy talk LOL XD. But yeah, I actually feel that life should NOT be lived to the fullest, but rather, with contentment, satisfaction and love. Love your life. If you think it sucks, then do something about it. Also to live life with contentment. By that I don’t mean be grateful with what you have. To just keep on going until you achieve what you want till you feel contented and satisfied. I disgust people who go with the flow, who underachieves and brushes it off with the thought of “You can’t always get what you want.”

……

Now here’s a video:

It’s Judy Shepard’s interview on Ellen. The original airing was months back but it just aired on Singapore MediaCorp Channel 5 today. The one that aired in SG was noticeably short. I got suspicious and Youtubed it. Sure enough, Channel 5 cut out every part that promotes love, understanding and intolerance over hate crimes.

I was just extremely, and I mean EXTREMELY disgusted at MediaCorp. The world is trying to be a better place where there is understanding towards the LGBT community and Singapore is refusing to participate in it. They even cut out the parts where they discourage hate crimes, be it for sexual orientation, racial, or gender hate.

Seriously, how could MediaCorp shamelessly censor that??!! You mean to tell me, they are fine with hate crimes and discrimination? I am just utterly disappointed.

Just look at the Siloso Beach Countdown party incident. First you get people sympathizing with the girl that got openly molested in public. And when it turned out that she was a tranny, you get some of the sympathizers changing their minds and actually not caring about it.

“Eeee yer, tranny, nevermind lar kena molested, LOL”

If you’re one of the people who thought like that and felt any less sympathy towards her now that you know she’s a tranny, shame on you. Don’t EVER talk to me. I don’t want to see you. You’ll just cause irritation to my eyesight. Just go back to your parents graveyard and pee on it, dig out their bodies and stuff dog poo in their rotten mouths as punishment for giving birth to horrible people like you.

I find it hard to be nice to people with no intelligence and wisdom. You brush it off and call yourself a conservative person? There’s nothing about you to be proud about. You’re just downright discriminating people.

You don’t have to be gay to support gay rights. You don’t have to be a woman to actively be against gender discrimination. You don’t have to be in the minority race to fight for racial equality.

Coming to a Realization…

Just a bunch of random things I’ve thought about:

First off, grats to my cousin for her O levels. She managed to snag a spot in the top 3 Malay students in the entire country. And here I am with a 20-point score in Failgineering.

I’ve been looking at SIM and a couple of other university websites recently. Of course all the requirements just require you to have a diploma but they don’t exactly mention how GPA really affects your entry. I’ve been told SIM doesn’t really look at GPA and it’s only the govt funded Unis. Also it seems that it doesn’t matter much or at all if you want to switch courses and do a diff degree. Only perk for continuing a degree course the same one as your diploma is getting a year off Uni studies.

I currently have my eyes on doing a bach degree in English. Either just pure English or English + Lit/Psych/Sociology. Psychology might seem a bit to popular though. Also, I’m NOT interested to hear about how “SG no market take bla&bla courses etc”. I could not care less if there isn’t a market for psychology. If there isn’t one then leave the country.

I don’t plan on staying in SG forever anyway. Am set to follow the footsteps of my other relatives, to go live in other countries for a certain period and gain some work and importantly life experiences and wisdom. And then come back to Singapore. I don’t think financial constraints should limit you from this. It’s good to actually go out and gain the wisdom. If you live in SG all the time you won’t be able to broaden your mind.

OH yeah, I’ve actually browsed through MOE’s website and their sections on starting a teaching career. Pretty interesting info if you ask me. At a diploma level I can only be a Pri schl teacher. I need a degree to be able to teach in Sec schl/JC. Ultimately I really want a career in the media industry (specifically television/film) but teaching really isn’t that bad. I do come from a family clan background full of teachers, doctors, managers etc. so really becoming a Teacher seems like a viable norm in the family.

I’m not particular in where I might enjoy teaching. Both pri and sec schls have their push and pull factors. Sec school teaching would mostly require you to specialize in a certan combination of subjects whereas pri school teaching would require skills in interacting with young children and engaging with them effectively. Sec schl is all sex, love and drugs while pri schl is all about Pokemon and Power Rangers =P (or “Ben 10″ for the current generation)

Man, I guess that the fact I’m turning 20 in slightly less than 7 months as of this post has got me seriously thinking a lot lately. Like I’ve said from a previous post, I am a sentimental person and these things are a big deal for me. I’m actually leaving life as a teenager and entering young adulthood. NS is just bullshit and for me to get some extra money. We’re not talking about random part-time jobs for teens here but preparations to start an actual life and career.

It really is a waaay scarier feeling than going to NS. I have absolutely NO interest in the whole military crap. Come in, do shit, fuck off. I actually want a life and not be that pathetic male who thinks he’s a such an honorable and manly man because he’s proud to serve the military and all that. Please lah, no qualifications in life just say that lar. Go continue being a military dog.

Thinking about careers and stuff… I just have to creatively find a way to combine what I dream of doing with what I can be doing. It really has just hit me and dawned upon me. This isn’t getting part-time teen jobs with $5/hour pay or driving license or whatever. This is about starting my freakin’ life and career. The very definition of who I am as an adult in the work force and passing on the torch to my younger generation. I am VERY afraid of my future. I think that’s good though. That I’m afraid. It means I’m growing up. And in the phase of understanding and assessing myself, what I have done, what I have been doing, and what can I do.

Speaking of driver’s license, I have yet to get one. I guess I just can’t be bothered with that. Maybe later when I can afford a car then I’ll think about sitting through the driving test. The thing that bothers me is that I do suffer from motion sickness and not sure if that’s gonna affect my driving. I mean, I can’t even read or do anything on the bus for too long without feeling giddy. That’s why I’m very quiet on the bus. I really have to almost space out until I reach my stop.

Naruto

Yeah, strangely enough, during the holidays Cartoon Network was airing the very early Naruto episodes and I happen to watch them while having breakfast.

The early episodes reminded me how far the show has gone. The series is in it’s 11th year right now and it really is one of the jewels of Shonen Jump. I’ve stopped watching anime and reading manga for a very very long time ever since I dicovered the wonders of American media and Hollywood. But recently I’ve begun to catch up on just Naruto.

The show is just way more than a typcal shonen series like Bleach (Failure series). The plot has deep complexity in the way characters interact and connect with one another. Fightings in the series serve to progress the plot, unlike Bleach, where plot progression happens so more fights can occur. That’s primarily the main reason why Naruto is way more popular globally. It contains lots of human drama that attracts some non-manga readers too.

Naruto can really go up there with Hajime no Ippo and One Piece as one of -the- best stories ever throughout any media. Bleach is a failure that only attracts teenage boys who like show with lots of fighting but no substance.

—–

I’m also reading the World of WarCraft Comic Series. Expensive thing costed $50 for 14 chapters spanning 300+ pages (So NO I’m not sharing to you freeloaders =P Buy your own books). Yeah I know now you’re saying if I tried hard enough I can find it online for free. But I actually do enjoy legally owning them. I think it’s worth it.

Except for logging in to do my H dailies and a bit of raids, I don’t play much WoW these days but I still do love the stories happening in Azeroth. The WarCraft series should totally start a long-running on-going animated series. It’ll be epic.

—–

I dunno, I guess I’m just a sentimental person and I do embrace and acknowledge the things I’ve liked as I grew up. I’m open to talking about Pokemon/Digimon because I actually do like them when I was young. What’s so embarrassing about it? Last I checked, those 2 franchises were no where near being made “for kids”. If you have an open-mind you’d know that the new games for the DS generation are no where near “kiddish”. It’s complicated crap.

This is probably why Singaporeans have zero creativity. They think they’re ‘mature’ and brush off little things like these. I actually still have my Gameboy Advance, not the SP version but the original design. It was the first ‘expensive’ toy/gadget my Dad ever bought it and I have zero intentions to discard it. I also still have all my past Digivice toys. I have all the designs from all 4 seasons. Can’t be bothered to get th new season’s. There aren’t any batteries in them but I just like to keep them just for keepsake.

Hey! Looking around my room right now, I realised I actually still have the 1993-1995 Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Megazords stashed up there up the corner of my shelf collecting dusts. Ok, those things, I’ll keep it for some more years before e-baying off those antiques to some toy museum.

School Tomorrow

School starts tomorrow. Joy. /sarcasm.

I failed my DMA. Solid chance I’m gonna fail this module. Maybe, just maybe, I can summon up what small motivation I have left and just pass through this semester with a bang.

Actually I’m scrambling to find out where to go next in my path in life rather than taking the retest and passing this pathetic excuse of a module.

A small resolution of mine is really to just get through the final months in Poly. I managed to get through the hellhole that is in-house project days, why not a second time?

This will hopefully be the final time I’m with my classmates anyway. Pretty sure to them, I’ve changed a lot in my attitude, be it positively or negatively, depending on their interpretation. Honestly, the only change I’ve seen in myself over the course of 3 years is that I’m more thoughtful and vocal in what I think. The way I think, I’ve always been like this. I just decided to start off Poly in a low profile. To give this course a fair benefit of the doubt.

Didn’t work. Screw the course. Lecturers are illiterate. (Some) students are just dumb lowlife scums of society. A few are excelling and genuinely loving what they’re learning. I respect them for that.

Oh yeah, I was at KFC today with my family. I realised my sis wasn’t eating the crispy chicken skins because it apparantly makes her fat. I’m like, WTF? Things will only make you fat if you consume it everyday excessively. She’s not even fat lah~!

Typical 15-year-old girls and their ignorant definition of “fat”. I personally don’t make fun of fat people, but I do mercilessly enjoy teasing people who keep thinking they’re fat or make big deal about it. It’s like those girls (or heaven forbid, some guys) who post their pictures on Facebook/MySpace etc and then and in a captions along the lines of “I’m ugly lar, very fat, nothing much to see” etc.

Like, if you think you’re fat, then don’t post your pics online? Retard.

Sigh, what’s the point of going to KFC if you’re not gonna eat the chicken skin. Damn crispy and nice! =D

2010

Happy New Year~!

It’s almost the end of my first day in 2010. Didn’t celebrate at any New Year party or anything. I’m not exactly a party-goer. Found it more symbolic and meaningful to be at home. The last thing I did at the end of the decade was to look at my wall clock as it ticked into a new year. Glimpses of all the things I’ve did not just in the past decade, but in the past year alone passed through my mind.

At the start of the decade, I was 10 years old. Primary 4. It really has been a long time. I was like those little shonen boys in anime/manga. The mischievious boy that gets into all those silly troubles. Getting my parents called up to school and stuff like that. I was no different in lower secondary school, but it was there that I was given a good amount of shelling by my teachers. I have to thank them a LOT for putting up with me, giving me small leadership/responsibilities, in a way, ‘forcing’ me to be more serious.

Once I reached my upper secondary, that’s where I find myself getting shoved further to lead the class. Not that I think I did  great job. Only reason people actually like me being class chairman was because I don’t actually lead at all. I don’t boss people around but instead I went along and play the social heirarchy game with the cohort. My teacher was a lol lazy guy (but fun nevertheless) who always forgets to go to meetings that I have added responsibility to remind him. Hell, a couple of times my other teachers just ask ME to go in place of him. How paiseh is it to be the only student in a meeting with all other form teachers.

But that was growing up life for me. I didn’t realise it at that time, but looking back, as cliche as it may sound, I am thankful to my old school teachers for actually not brushing me off as that naughty little boy and actually shoving responsibilities at me. It might not be much, but I admittedly did grew a lot from that and how I am who I am today.

I’m not one of those who just willingly go with the flow of life. I do have goals now and I’m proud to pursue it. My hatred towards Engineering is just further proof of my strong will to leave this hellhole. I loathe people who apparantly has dreams but don’t seem to really want to pursue it. Even in class I seem to be the only one who thinks about these things. Everyone else seem to just go with the flow. Learning modules and trying to get grades without a clear purpose as to why they -REALLY- want to score. No, “I want to get high GPA” is NOT a reason. Ever actually THINK, and I mean really THINK about what you want to do in life, what is your purpose for studying the course, and if you REALLY want to excel in this course because of passion, or just because you’re in the course?

I guess on my part, it’s a fortunate blessing that all my struggles dealing with incompetent fools in Poly has led me to really think about myself and to discover and explore who I really am as individual. At this point of typing this post, I’m currently extremely emotional. Because this is it. It’s a new decade. My chapter of entering my life in the 20s starts. I have learned a lot about myself and there are still a lot more to learn. It’s my final leg of a horrible Poly life as a failgineering student.

It’s a reality that I am actually going to be able to say good riddance to MDE, course, lecturers and students alike. There have been a few personalities though that I really do enjoy the company with and would like to extend an invitation to be part of my lifelong friends. People who live through life to grow and learn more about themselves, and actually do something to grow, instead of just living with what life gives and going with the flow.